When your working day or night is done, how do you reset? How do you press pause on your to-do list and come back to yourself?
For many, this is the commute home, a walk after work, or even a nap. But many don’t get the opportunity to take a moment and remove their work hat to decompress.
I was, and in some ways, still am, one of those people. I live in the small town of Brecon, Mid Wales. I work from home, and up until last year would more often than not, finish work and go straight into parenting mode.
At the turn of the year, my life situation changed. My wife and I separated. We are more than civil and remain good friends, but the process was painful, and this year more than ever I need a space to process it all. Somewhere to find my new sense of being.
I need a third place. I need somewhere that isn’t home or work, a local place where my loneliness doesn’t feel so bad, and where I can make new connections and friendships to improve my well-being.
Salvation in Sweat
Amid last year’s troubles, the gym was my salvation. When the pressure of trying to mend the cracks in my relationship with my wife became too much, it was a place where I could channel my energy. A place where I could build that feeling of worth through achievement.
Exercise is proven to boost your mental health and while it could not give me the answers to stave off the impending failure in my marriage, it did help arrest my weakening self-esteem.
Brecon Leisure Centre still holds a special place in my heart. The staff have supported me in my summer charity fundraiser, and have built a strong community vibe that keeps me coming back.
A New One-Stop Shop
But my favourite third place is The Foundry, a local bar, cafe, coworking space, and music venue.
It’s given me a sense of identity, it’s helped me forge new friendships and it’s given me that place where I don’t have to worry about deadlines or nappies or why I spend half my week living by myself.
It has become a local hub for the community through its range of events, its intergenerational appeal and its many charity initiatives, which I am proud to be a part of.
My connection with and my affinity for The Foundry began the moment it opened. Music is my passion and for a small town such as Brecon to get a venue was unexpected.
I supported this fledgling business when I could, going to gigs and working from there once the coffee shop side of the business began. As it morphed into a bar as well, it became part of a night out, and as it began to serve food, absolutely excellent food, it became one of Brecon’s one-stop-shops for caffeine, beer, burgers and bopping tunes.
It adapted, and at the turn of the year, in my new normal, that’s what I needed to do too. The Foundry was a big part of how I found my place and how I combatted the loneliness and isolation that separation had thrust upon me.
Finding My Place
Before my last Christmas as a family of four, I put my hand up to host a quiz at a local pub and restaurant, The Brecon Tap. It was great fun, and I quickly realised I had a knack for it.
I was then asked to host a quiz at The Foundry. I accepted and have gratefully hosted a quiz every month since.
It may seem like a minor thing to host a quiz, but in the depths of winter on the back of trying to deal with an unexpected pain I never thought I’d have to deal with, it made me feel worth something. It still does.
I have grown into my new role at my favourite third place. I’m not just a marketer for a guitar tuition company or a dad to two gorgeous girls. I am the guy who does slightly leftfield quizzes, I am the guy who entertains and challenges and tries to bring people together to raise money for a range of important local causes.
When people come to me at the end of a quiz and shake my hand or put more money in the pot or invite me to join them for a drink, it represents a massive pat on the back and a justification for my hard work.
But The Foundry and its worth as a third place goes way beyond me.
Something For Everyone
The coworking space has allowed businesses to start and flourish and has been the home of initiatives for young people to learn about employment skills.
The restaurant has given one of Brecon’s best chefs a springboard to share her creative and unique menus and given local people a place to meet up over food.
The weekly jam nights allow budding musicians to take centre stage, and to collaborate with others. You are welcome no matter your level of mastery, or the instrument you play.
The vast range of gigs and events. From soul nights to Rage Against The Machine tribute acts to Battle of the Bands to open rehearsals. There is something for everyone.
And on a wet and windy Sunday afternoon when I need something to entertain my three-year-old daughter, The Foundry inflates a bouncy castle. A happy child and a grateful father.
Why You Should Find A Third Place
Local businesses are the lifeblood of any town, and third places are often local businesses. They are the crutch on which we can rely and the location in which our troubles don’t seem so important anymore.
In the 21st century, we can travel wherever we want, communicate with whoever we want and instant gratification is always at hand. Yet with all that and the failed promise of a closer world through social media, we’re arguably further apart than ever.
Third places, however, allow us to create deeper connections and allow us to build relationships that go beyond a quick high. As a child, I played cricket and football in my home village of Great Glen, Leicestershire, and I still hold the friendships I made at those clubs dear, remembering my triumphs and failures with pride.
Children are often asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” as if our job defines us. Being a parent or a partner or a housemate is important, but it is only part of the recipe of “you”. Humans are multi-faceted and third places allow all our uniquely-us traits to find a home. Libraries, yoga studios, sports clubs, greenspaces, places of worship and places to drink are all places where the tapestry of you can unwind.
So go and find your Foundry. Go and decompress. Life is a never-ending labyrinth and a safe place filled with friends is the best way to navigate it all.
How Do I Find A Third Place?
My Third Place recognises that third places are in decline, exacerbated by periods of lockdown. Yet they remain a critical part of our social lifeline, acting as the glue that keeps communities together.
By searching and contributing to My Third Place’s directory you can find opportunities for social interaction, and begin to connect with others through accessible local businesses who look to restore communities.
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