Why YOU need a third place and how to find the RIGHT one.
In an effort to cure my boredom last week, I “shockingly” unconsciously picked up my phone and opened that app we all have a love-hate relationship with. TIKTOK. While scrolling I happened to come across this video, which really made me double-think about the social interactions within my little life.
The Tiktok (Watch it here) started with this random guy outside in what looked like a busy city street explaining how “our generation” is more depressed than ever before because we don’t have a “third place” No, I’m not talking about bronze medal type “third place”, but I’m talking about places that anchor our humanity. Places where they firmly establish our humanity and identity in relation to others, strengthening our sense of community.
The video in question…
The term was coined by Ray Oldenburg, in his book “The Great Good Place.” It refers to a place outside your home or workplace where you can relax and socialize. A place to let loose, and be yourself!
The guy in the video talks about how in previous generations to ours, individuals had a “third place” outside of the other traditional spaces. These conventional spaces he talks about are “work” and “home,” He goes on to say that although people had tough lives back then, they always had a “third space” or a “community” of some sort to fall back on when life became too much. Whether it was Book Club on the weekends, playing pool together at the pub after work, or simply lounging around the town square.
People were more community-orientated and thrived off social interactions, which he states “makes it a lot harder to be depressed,” He ends the video by saying how nowadays people only have one or maybe even two “places” especially since the rise of remote work post Covid 19. But it goes even further, the comments go on to mention how inflation has played a role in this and how stuff is just too expensive for the average person to enjoy, some people said the gym, but are people really going there to socialize?
Throughout all the noise a silver lining stuck out to me more than the others. Hundreds of comments saying the same thing.
The Disruptive Evolution of Social Media
In this day and age, Social Media has implicitly replaced real-life interactions (or at least to an extent) as users can find themselves clicking away from a variety of online digital communities. From apps like Discord, Reddit, Instagram, TikTok etc, individuals can find and talk to all their friends, making even leaving the house seem unnecessary.
NOW I’m not saying that Social Media is the sole reason that everyone is indoors but, I believe it has contributed towards this sense of social loneliness.
Reflect on this real quick:
When you think of third places in your local city/town, like parks, coffee shops and restaurants you may notice either two things, people interacting with one another face-to-face or people glued down to their phones frantically clicking, sharing.. Etc. It could be said by many that our devices have fostered a new sort of social fulfilment- joy at a text message from a friend, laughter at a tweet someone shared, but ultimately:
“We’re creating our sense of community on our devices rather than our neighbors”
In any case, we want a third space where we can meet, greet, and build relationships with those around us. Maybe we’re just making a third place out of our back pockets as a coping mechanism for our loneliness. Not quite sufficient, not fully present, but social all the same.
Why do we need a “real” third-place
Not having a third place or even a second place could be detrimental to some, but may not affect others as much. It’s human to want social interaction, it’s what makes us….us.
As we sit in our spaces of comfort and see the tragedies going on around the world, we can often feel hopeless and small. In a world so big I believe that having that “third” (or whatever number it may be) space shrinks our world down to fit us.
Having a place to socialize share ideas and interact with like-minded people is essential for any sort of healthy social life. It can decrease feelings of loneliness and boost happiness, which is important to consider when Statistics Canada reports through a survey in mid-2021 that nearly 40% of Canadians reported feeling lonely some or all of the time.
COVID-19 most definitely exacerbated the loneliness epidemic as many things were but this new year reflect on your spaces and think about how these spaces make you feel.
Ask yourself:
Do you feel a part of something bigger?
or
Do you feel like you can be your true authentic self in this space?
If not, don’t panic. Continue searching around until you find a space that best suits your personality. Your third space should offer you ease and comfort, maybe a warm beverage or even a friendly conversation. “Digital Third Places” have also shot in popularity which are great ways to connect and embrace one another when in-person meetings aren’t possible or convenient.
There’s just something about going to a space where someone knows my name or a stranger recognizes my face that keeps me connected and grounded. I recently discovered a local supporter group for the football team I support, Liverpool FC (YNWA) through this group I was exposed to more external experiences I would never have had sat at home alone and isolated. The third spaces I visit, have really pushed me to examine my values and how I hold them in the presence of strangers. Additionally, I’ve noticed that these spaces give individuals “Psychological Ownership” meaning people will feel a deep sense of influence and identity in a space that meets their needs.
watch-along at the Elephant & Castle for The OLSC (Official Liverpool FC Toronto Fan Club)
Finding the right third-place
I’m sure while reading through this article you’ve perhaps reflected or thought about the spaces in your life, or maybe you’re at a point where you really don’t know or have a particular space in mind.
WHICH IS OKAY!
Everyone has a different idea of their perfect third place, but it’s probably best to narrow down your search in correlation to the type of experience you’d like. Do you want to relax and recharge? Do you want to learn a new skill? or do you simply just want to interact with like-minded people?
When searching for your third place, think about when in the week would you like your little retreat. Do you let loose after a long week of work on Friday? or prefer to have a Sunday reset to prepare yourself for the week ahead? Consider your ability to access your third space and reflect on how much time you’re willing to dedicate to travel. Once you consider these factors, you are now on the right path to finding your space.
Search your spaces
Begin by exploring and doing research on the different types of public spaces in your area to get an idea of the social networks around you. Remember to look for a place that encourages social activity, it’s easy to get trapped in spaces where people are nose-deep on their phones or silent doing deep work. Your third place needs to be somewhere or facilitated in a way where it actively encourages people to talk or interact with one another, ideally, this could be done through conversations, prompts or even just some basic group activities. Passionate about a cause? try finding volunteer groups around that issue, enjoy running? check your local run club! The possibilities are endless, you just have to SHOW UP.
Listen to your body. Your third place needs to be comfortable, try and read your nonverbal cues such as a calm mind and loose muscles, these are good signs that you’ve found your space!
The Bottom Line
Here’s the end of my spiel, if you’ve noticed that maybe you feel stuck, bored, lacking purpose or maybe you feel like your life is off track, try finding that third place.
I once read:
What are the environments that connect us to our humanity and one another, and how can we cultivate them?
Nowadays I take time to reflect on my spaces and give them the gratitude they deserve. Nurturing a simple conversation into a familiar friendly face is a precious moment and feeling that I believe is slowly on the decline. From easing isolation to fostering friendships, and adding colour to our lives, a third place holds the answer to (almost) every struggle we face.
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